When you figure out that all those years of being friends is emotional abuse then those really good memories feel like betrayal.
When you know that your Christian best friend rebukes you for coming out as bisexual three years ago then you know she lied about how good she is.
When you know your atheist ex-boyfriend only says he can't live without you because he threatened to **** himself many times after several fights in the past as friends.
I have known him for 4 years and her for 9 years. Healing is messy I know. I know that I can't trust either of them because their expectations of me are polar opposites.
When you someone isn't good for you it hurts at first and the panic attacks keep happening from distancing yourself from all of the memories. Sometimes the things that are too good to be true is a lie and their masks fall off where all there is left is huge conflicting mixed emotions swirling in your gut.
When you know that they are monsters of their own making and you have nothing to do with it. The blame isn't on you it is on them for their treatment of you.