I miss you
But I've found a way to stand
the missing,
by never missing you at all.

You see, I see you still.

I saw you walking by the seawall
just the other day,
sure-footed, yet in no particular hurry.
Left stride a little longer than the right,
that tiny tilt,
your "flippers" flopping with each step into October.
Who else but you?
Though barely a blip in the distance, I knew
I just knew.

I swiped right the other week
and later on the phone,
I cracked a joke to break the ice.
He laughed your laugh-
this Sudden
unexpected,
joyful,
slightly manic howl.
I kept my clown nose on all night for you,
gladder than glad
to be the fool
to hear that laugh again.

Sometimes,
I find a piece of you in someones voice-
trapped in a throat,
Revealing bits
through code that only you and I could know.

Sometimes
I'll catch a glimpse of you
in someones convictions
and I'll argue with you for hours.
We never did agree on many things ...

Sometimes I'll slip and whisper "baby"
When we're making love
******* completely in two syllables  
before a perfect stranger.

Sometimes,
when I make this space
-our space, pitch black
If I steady my breath-
your breath just so,
and picture nothing at all,
I can almost trick myself into believing you're still here-
I see you still.