I ran away from brook-side,
wrapped-steel around my heart.
I swallowed the hard pain of
an estranged child
and the lost sentiments,
forfeited.

I curled up and tended
to my barbed-wire scrapes
and grazes from high falls;
I stopped wincing at nettle-stings.

I told myself convincing lies -
and I believed I didn’t care;
but it was tears that stung me as they fell
to remind me of what’s missing.

And the sweet memories
“red flags just look like flags
through rose tinted glasses”
And the fright as I crept

From room to room
memorised creaks:

third step; tenth step;
My blinds are too loud, so I’ll freeze

Or I’ll just miss out,
I’ll text and apologise
For not being home;

Because there are memories there
Of impossible deadlines:
racing home until I’m sick
dry-mouthed,

Wind knocked out of me
Can’t go faster,
The fear rising as I turn the corner,
face the music !