it was a thursday night
driving down poplar ave it was my mom and i
when she gave me the news
you went to the doctor
and they told you it was terminal
the world went blue
i thought of summers on the back porch
with watercolors splashing
crawling on the floor
into your room
we wound the clocks and went shopping and we ate whatever we wanted to
and i hopped on the greyhound
up to old st lou
and i kept crying thinking of someday losing you
and i listened to agape over and over
for years you fought and for years you tried to do whatever you could to make you feel alive
i did my best to hold your hand but try as i might
it was hard for me
i started taking time
i wanted to know everything about your life
don’t leave a single thing out
i left college
driving up there on the weekends just to watch you sleep
and when you were better i would feel so light
like a weight had lifted from my heart
i went to europe just like you told me to
and in san marcos cathedral
i thought of you
i prayed for with a candle that i payed for
my grandmommy to pull through
or if that just wasn’t in the cards then i prayed for my family’s breaking heart
all the same i’ve loved loving you
cut to Christmas
we knew what must be coming time was priceless
and yet all the same
i touched your soft head
and tied a scarf around so you wouldn’t feel ashamed
and it all happened so fast we lost you cold and in the snow we cried we were frozen to the toes
just like you’d tell me mine were when you would warm them
now i stand in the doorway of where my mother grew up
where you gave all you had to show us we were loved
and i thought how maybe your candle burns bright in heaven
i loved loving you
i’ll always think of you