July 24, 2020

I’ve read a lot of books So many stories They always describe it the same Dry mouth, empty thoughts Usually even instant understanding But that wasn’t how it happened for me They all say they couldn’t breathe But I was breathing too much Hyperventilating There was nothing empty about my mind The thoughts were racing Oh, all the images The memories Of you and me Under the bridge And at the trailer parks Our last conversations That very final hug But not our last embrace I held you from the casket I planted a loving kiss on your face My tongue didn’t feel dry I was mumbling to myself Screaming in devastation Drowning in my grief I kept calling your phone Praying for an answer Praying for anything I needed it to be a lie I needed it all to be fake I couldn’t understand No sense could it make I threw my head against the walls Hoping the bricks could seal my fate Blow after blow Trying to join my soulmate Pleading Bargaining with God I’ll change my ways Just let this be okay Begging to have you back that day Hopeless. Lost. My soul felt pointless. And when I saw you for the first time When I laid my eyes on that box It wasn’t just you; it was me that I saw I was you and you were me And I knew the truth I was dead now too

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