“you’re so beautiful”
he said through his teeth
with his head cocked to the side
like a child after a scolding
nothing he said resonated as true
because he couldn’t choose
he couldn’t choose me

“i don’t feel like it”
i said stone cold sober
with a guarded heart
like an ancient wall about to crumble
but preserved through time
remembering i never deserved to be
someone’s second option
especially after years of always being
the first

“come back to me and you’ll feel like it
everyday”
he cockily pleaded
as if he knew it would be
the last words he said to me
in a long while
or maybe even the last time he said it
at all

i sneered and he threw me over his shoulder
and i laughed and screamed
like an innocent
like the past five years were not just a
memory of us
but
we were always meant for hurt

then he walked out the door for the last time
and i went to sleep
and dreamt of new beginnings
and caressed closure

and i felt beautiful
because i wasn’t chosen