I don’t know what my feelings are anymore. They seem to just lead me into oblivion. They talk me into doing things that always end. In tragedy. They put my heart and mind on the line, and I always lose the bet. They open my eyes to new opportunities only to be blinded by them. They tell me that one day tears will stop streaming down my cheeks. They tell me to speak kind words to others, but I feel empty when others do the same. They tell me everything is going to be okay when I’m not. They tell me one day I will hold someone special in my arms, yet every time I reach my hands fall short. They tell me one day my I will lay next to the one that I love. They tell me that everything is and adventure, but I’m the guy who always dies at the end. They tell me sometimes that I should just give up and give into my self-hatred. They tell me to write down what is on my mind no matter how light or how dark it may seem. So right now I’m doing just that following my feelings into the darkness once more. A darkness that holds a table with a gun, a knife, and a rope telling me these will make me feel better. I want to stop following my feelings, but now they are the only thing that can lead me out of the dark. So I’m going to grab its hand, and hope I’m not led astray once again.