i let myself feel this feeling
was it right
i felt as though it was
society told me otherwise
my mom
"put a jacket on!"
"you're only 13!"
"you can't wear those!"
"who are you going to see? a boy?"
what was she so scared of
his hands felt like sand paper against my skin
this wasn't right
its my first time
is this how this is
he told me it was all gonna be ok
not to worry about anything besides us
i wasn't
until i remember my mom screaming at me telling me
"NEVER LET A MAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU!"
he wasn't taking advantage of me
he loves me
so i thought
my mind sit in a quiet place with white noise
i was numb
in paralysis
i could hear an echo of a voice in the distance
unable to recognize whom this voice belongs to
i had spaced out
in the middle of being "loved"
or so he called it
i was too stupid to understand what had happened to me
now, now i realize
he took advantage of me
my mom was right
for once she was right
the next night i recalled the events that took place the night before
his hands were so rough
felt like thorns on my scars
was he caring for me or was he taking advantage
he cared for me right
he told me he did
he must mean it
oh how innocent i used to be
he ruined it for me
he took my innocence
i bared his child
three months pass by
i lose everything
him
myself
my friends
my sanity
and my child
i can't live anymore i need to die
i told myself in panic
my best friend by my side holding me and truly caring for me
"you can't leave me."
i stayed alive for her
only her
i was *****
he took something that can't be taken back
i was too vulnerable