Do not tell him how much he means to you
until he tells you first.
Do not break your back until he shows
he would do the same for you.
Do not come off too strong, for boys don’t like
a girl with too much confidence.
Do not even think about cursing
if you want to be considered “wife material”
Do not think of yourself as your own person
because Lord knows your husband owns you.
Do not think freely, for you do not know
right from wrong.

Do listen to every godforsaken story he has to tell,
no matter how boring it is.
Do be attentive, never assertive, always willing.
Do let him in your pants even before
those three words are spoken because men want
a woman who knows her way around a ****.
Do appreciate every single thing he does for you,
even if it’s something you never wanted.
Do believe every word he says,
even if you know it’s a lie.
Do fall for all of his immaculate attempts
at explaining why you are wrong.

Do not listen to a single thing
on this stupid ******* list
if you want to fall in love.