As he read my thoughts aloud, he mocked my every word, my every sentence, my every phrase.
He dismissed agony that isn’t curable.
My work of art was destroyed by tone, because apparently, I’m garbage.
I’ve tried so hard for him, but all that history tells me, is that we’ll never think on the same wavelength.
He calls me “self destructive”, a self saboteur, when all the things I want are the same as his.
Like a knife in my heart.
It’s like my soul is being surgically removed from my body.
Because, in his mind, I’m no longer pure or useful.
I’m only a ****** up daughter.
“I’ll always love you” he would say.
I want to ask him if he loves me now.
I’ll always oppose what I see as wrong.
He brought me up to think that my opinions and morals were valid.
And, then sickness entered my life.
I was no longer a child.
I was a sick child.
I am a job,
I am the daughter he has to take to doctor appointments every week, and I cant apologize for that, because it’s not my fault that life was cruel.
I know that I have ****** up.
But, I blame it on my illness.
I cant control an immobile body on the day of an important test.
And, I wont disregard the world that’s calling me.
I’m weak now, because he used the past as a weapon.
I’m weak because my heart has heart for the past five years.
I’m sorry that I haven’t lived up to his expectations.
But, I’m sadder that he can’t accept the person I’ve become.
I have a voice, the voice he told me to use.
And that voice refuses to put up with his *******.