i was 10 and you were 13 and you were my idol
and wherever you went, i hurriedly followed,
and you smelled like perfection and behaved like it too,
and i don't remember how it started but,
you were telling me about a boy from camp,
and you said "i want to show you what we did"
and you kissed me
with tongue
with groping
you really kissed me
and we knew it was wrong but we didn't know why,
but we kept quiet,
it became a game and we role-played,
but we never played ourselves,
you were always the boy,
and i was so fascinated by how your tongue was touching mine,
yet i felt it all through my thighs and
even somewhere more unreachable, somewhere i couldn't locate,
not the place i peed from, no not quite,

And then at some point we both stopped,
i learned the word "lesbian"
and it scared me because it didn't apply to me,
and we never spoke of it, not a year later, not 5 years later.
We spoke of everything but that.