Often I would let myself go.
Not a shower in sight.
Becoming a hermit absorbed in their work.
Night after sleepless night.
Clinging to the prospects of wealth and success.

Feeling worn down by the lack of fulfillment in my craft,
until I feel that I have reason to do otherwise.
Until for a second, two squinted eyes met my-own.
Recognizing the habits of old were going out of style.
Adjustments were needed.

Not knowing what those might be,
lists upon lists were drawn up.
To break a habit is no easy feat.
My lack of self care was apparent.
And still is.

Efforts made allowed me to become better.
It took time.
Relapses occurred, oversights too.
With each passing day I felt better about it.
A routine.

Early morning workouts.
Home cooked meals.
An afternoons bike ride.
Callings in life that hadn't been present before.
Evenings brought cold showers and calm rest.

My late nights were long gone.
And so, the time came.
A beautiful women sat inches away.
Not only was her figure a marvel,
but so was her mind.

It was a complex one,
multi faceted and abysmal.
My voice barely audible, spoke.
I had posed a question.
Her response?

No.
It had left her vocal cords.
Escaped her breath.
And left me reeling.
Standing up, she walked away.

So too did I.
Walking away was the only logical action.
At the time, some thought emerged.
For all my growth,
wasn't I enough?

For some time I sat at my desk.
Home.
What did I do all that for?
It had finally dawned upon my brain.
I didn't need her.

Nor should I care.
The self-improvement still remains.
Not the same person.
Simply me.
The better one that is.

And so it was later,
walking through the city,
coming towards my favorite coffee shop,
in which was me,
was she.

However the roles had reversed.
Yet the outcome in-different.
No.
Not for any malicious reason.
Simply I did not care.

I tried, failed.
Now the newer version of me has thought.
Concluding that the input and output are separate.
The output is what remains.
For I am happy as I am.