When you stayed silent,
Knowing you never wanted to ask for too much

Did you ever think of what you’d do
When they left?
Would you have let it fade
Or kept it alight

Would you have known it would become nothing,
Or would it have held on, stubborn, like the one who wielded it?

You half knew it would leave.
You were afraid,
Afraid of making permanence when you could not hold it
Above your head,

Yet,
Yet you half thought it would never wither,
Because every life is born anew,

And every time,
Every time there is a reason.

Were you asking for too much,
When you knew one day,
It would have to be aloud?

Was it moronic,
Knowing
That time would make all the difference

Yet you knew you couldn’t hold for so long
Scaffoldings would only stay afresh
For a while you know,

Unless.
Unless you were wrong?

Was asking something that was never available?
Was it never what you thought?
Was it never what you saw?

Yet you doubted it, and wondered all along.
Hah.

It tickles me funny how much of a mess you made of it all,
In your head.

The uncertainty,
Not knowing what to do,
With your hands tied,
For better or worse?

At least now with certainty,
You know you’ve torn the walls down,
You’ve wrecked apart the pages,

You know,
That at least there is a will to leave.

And not an ounce to stay.

Haha.
Or is it?

27.06.2021