TW: suicidal ideation

**** it all
don't wanna do this no more
everything makes me feel small
like i have no control
they'd care if i was gone
but they don't know what's going on
i'm trying to be strong
while they act like nothings wrong
i can't live like this anymore
yet i don't know what i want

but i know i don't want to be here

i can't escape it anymore
i've passed the point of no return
every time i drink or smoke
i feel my head and chest burn
thinking how my life isn't what i chose
you'd think by now i'd have learned
but unfortunately not
i continue to take wrong turns

it will probably get worse
until I'm forced to pretend
like i believe in myself
so i'm not at my end
it's my time to build
the life that i want
but i don't know how to get it
without working my *** off