I don’t belong here.
I don’t know where I belong.
I’m not in danger.
The only danger I could potentially approach is myself.
Where do I go from here?
I don’t really have a home.
I don’t think I’ve ever really had a home.
Not a sacred one at least.
My soul screams inside, “help me!”.
Nobody can hear me.
I don’t really know what emotions I’m even feeling.
I’m sad, scared, and I feel so lost.
I don’t know where to turn from here.
I don’t know where to run.
I don’t know where I would be safe at.
I want to throw my phone in the ocean and watch it drown.
I want to burn all of my identification cards as if I were to not even            exist at all.
I would like to soak the suns rays up as the day turns to night.
I want to lay my body in the ocean and as I float away so will my  thoughts.
There could be no more worries.
As I lay on the floor  I envision all of this.
I can hear the birds chirping, the waves crashing, and people in the background.
Maybe the only home I truly have is with Jesus.
I don’t know why I ever outlived all the near death experiences I had.
I thought maybe one day I would understand why but I have yet to figure that out.
At this point in my life I don’t think I will ever know.
I am a lost broken soul wondering aimlessly on this earth.
As the years pass on by the days grow shorter
And so does my reason to believe that I have a true purpose here.
I’m beginning to be bored of life.
Is this how I truly feel or did you get to the deepest core of me?
  Dreamt of marriage and a happy ever after but we’re nothing but a disaster.
We have broken each other’s hearts and to trust I don’t think there is any.
After all this time we should  be able to trust one another. Unfortunately, things have just grown harder.
They say people can be in love but are better off apart.
Is this us?
I am truly sorry for all that you have been through in your own personal life.
I’m sorry for the things I have put you through  but I believe that I have proven myself long ago to you.
I thought that we were on a good path for a minute but that ended quickly and abruptly.
We can’t live like this anymore.
I do not have the  internal mental or emotional strength to keep going like this.
Why would a person want to anyway?
We lead a very toxic life.
I don’t know what to say anymore but I can say I can feel my heart breaking inside.
I don’t want to lose you.
But I think I already did.
A long time ago.
  I lay here in silence.
My back is aching.
The floor is hard.
This is not the life that I want to remember before I take my last breath.
I want to look back on my life and die smiling.
If I were to go on, if I were to die living this life, I would die with a tear falling from my eye.