Maybe I should take a pause and reflect.
But I keep running around in circles.
What does actually work?
And who is actually caring enough to not leave me wondering?
What am I to you?
The only valid reason I can think of why you don't know what I am to you is me wanting to die.
All the other stuff is *******, cut the crap and don't ever check out again.
Or else I'm out forever.

I'm already giving up, taking risks like travelling towards my triggers.
Knowing it will cause more damage but I have to keep on moving.
I just can't keep sitting here just waiting on you.

While nothing, like actually nothing is actually working.
Not even my body even though it looks like it.
Same with my pretty sister, here and there a pretty picture.
Look inside and relax, take a break, always wait.
Always fight, no escape, no one there to hold the weight.

Always carrying it around.
Meanwhile trying to get ready just to sing and fly again.
I don't want to fight alone no more, it's hurting and I can't hold on no more.
I keep and kept on saying it.
This world doesn't believe it is a possibility to feel this way about it.
Still I keep seeing all these double numbers but then I try and nothing happens.
Trying to be grateful for the little things.

I'm never where I want to be, never receiving the right energy from people that I need.
Look at me, look inside, and hold me tight, acknowledge it, let me know you understand.
Or don't and tell me, I need to know so I can just follow my own path instead and forget you.
But actually I can't.
Not really, just for a moment.
Cause in a way I think we're good, and I get it.
It's destiny.

When does it end?
It always keeps going on, always gives me just enough to keep on going.
It's not living, it's slavery.
Destiny on earth is more like slavery to me cause I'm sick, actually sick and so so tired!

So let me go find what I need or let me leave.
See and find a way out.
Like in that dream.
Last night I walked through a dark lane again with a flash light.
Saw a little boy, tried to be nice.
We both tried to find a way out and he seemed to not know what to think of me.
Don't worry, nobody knows, not even me but I won't harm you so just follow me and let's just try to find our way.

I don't mind the dark but I mind the pain, I want to get out.
Not feel heavy or sad and have nothing actually working, reflecting.
Reflecting my own light in this darkness every time.
Cause there's no other light than the light from where I actually come from.
Sometimes I feel them, my soul family actually come to me for a group hug.
Let's take a pause and just sit here.
As always, helpless.