One of the first things they teach you in a first aid course is how exhausting it is to give CPR. They encourage trading off with someone else and taking turns. You can only spend so much time trying to revive something before your body gives out from the exhaustion. I'm suprisingly good at CPR. I can give chest compressions much longer than average. But I'm still a human. I know I will run out of stamina eventually. I've been giving CPR to something for what feels like over a year now. I'm pretty sure it's dead and yet I've tried to remain hopeful. I feel my hope dwindling though. I know it's almost run out. The corpse is literally rotting while I desperately try to bring back it's heartbeat. I have no one to trade off with. No one willing anyway. I'm expected to do it by myself. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Watching something waste away past the point of recovery while I'm expected to keep it alive by myself. I can't help but feel that maybe if I wasn't the only one trying it could be saved. Maybe if someone else gave some effort it's heart would start again. I'm tired. I'm mourning. I'm not sure how much longer I can go before I give up. All I want is someone to share the load. To try to meet me in the middle. Someone to show me that I'm not the only one who cares about the deceased. Maybe if I had some help it's heart could start again. Maybe it doesn't have to die. All I know is that if I'm the only one willing to try eventually it will. I can't save it alone.