Can’t explain the way I feel.
Tears silently fill my eyes.
It’s just a repeating cycle.
Almost numb.
This isn’t anything out of the ordinary.
Feel emotional pain in my chest.
I just need to rest.
I’ve given my best
But it seems I don’t measure up to be the best.
Is it me or is it you?
Manipulation not stipulation.
I can still run.
Do I want to?
Emotionally exhausted and torn.
No, I don’t want to go.
I love you.
I’m such a fool.
The nice girl in me gave you a several chances.
Of course, it’s still the same.
Why do I always give people the benefit of the doubt when I know better?
Thought maybe you’d change.
You did.
For a quick minute.
That minute faded. I knew it would.
Always does.
I’m tired of being emotionally beat up.
So exhausted.
Exhaustion wears on the mental state.
I’m tired of running.
I have nowhere to run this time.
Houseless and homeless it’ll be.
I called the shot.
My life fell apart after I met you.
In between jobs, gained depression back after being sober of it for two years.
Now look at me, I’m jobless, feeling hopeless and about to be homeless.
Nowhere to turn.
I can’t speak a word. I can’t tell them the truth.
It’s hard enough telling myself the truth.
I’m gonna have to sell all that I know.
Move on.
I’m so afraid. Where will I end up? Will I be okay?
My car is my only shelter.
Money will run out eventually.
Where will I shower?
You can keep the diamond.
It don’t mean a thing when life’s like this.
This ain’t love.
It’s toxicity taking over both our lives.
You can’t nurture and bloom a normal dating relationship let alone marriage. Marriage and divorce. Been there. Done. That. It ain’t easy.
Flush my dreams down the toilet.
Too old for all of this.
Going on 30.
Never thought my life would be like this.
Silent tears rush down my face.
Brokenness is all I can feel.
It’s not supposed to be like this.
I called the shot the day I first met you.
Why did I proceed to carry on?
I was so off and on with feelings and eventually I did feel love for you.
Fell in love and now here I sit
On the verge homelessness and broken-heartedness.
My life is a mess. I’m a mess.
Why did I outlive all the near-death experiences?
Why was I chosen to stay on Earth?
Am I really supposed to be here or was it just luck of the draw I was chosen to stay?
You have such great potential.
You’re handsome.
You have moments of being charming.
But ****.
There’s more bad than good.
Starting to believe I understand why all the other relationships were toxic.
No, it can’t possibly be always you.
But on the bigger scale, I think a lot of it roots from you.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know where to turn.
I am starting to feel scared.
Starting to feel like I’m about to lose all my belongings.
End up on the street.
Never thought my life would be like this.
I know everything happens for a reason but when will I find out why?
I’m tired of running in circles.
One minute we’re great.
Next minute we’re throwing hands and words.
Next minute doors are slamming.
Cars racing out of the driveway.
Day turns to night.
Begging me to come home.
Begging  me to come back inside.
This house ain’t a home.
Feels more like a dark place to bury myself inside.
And yet it’s not even a mentally safe place to hide.
I just want love, peace, and freedom.
Feeling like I’ll never have any of those things unless I’m on my own.
Feel like I do better on my own.
Relationships are too toxic for me.
Or maybe all the ones I’ve been in we’re just with the wrong people.
Is there true love out there? Starting to believe it truly is all a fairy tale. I know one things for certain, I’m about to be back on the road but this time it’ll be different.
I’ll be stuck there with nowhere and nobody to turn to.
Nothing new, it’s always just been me.
Ever since I was a little kid.
Abandoned and neglected my whole life. I’ll be okay, somehow and someday.