26- My golden year

******* what a huge lie
Why is my only dream to be loved why is this all you gave to me?
Why am I more lonely every time
WHY DID YOU MAKE ME THIS WAY

Why do you never give me what I beg and plead for
You say you give good gifts to your children
How the hell am I supposed to know when you're giving me something and when you're not?
How am I to tell the difference
Why did you let me live in a relationship that was so good, so kind, so loving, and RIP MY HEART OUT because YOU WON'T LET ME HAVE HIM

Why God
Why is this where I am
Nothing in the depths of my soul has changed, I still want the same things, I'm still broken and unable to function
Why does it feel like I keep coming back to the same things over and over and over

I'm suspended in time and space
Stuck in a never ending loop
Nothing changes
Nothing is new
I'm Ranita and I'm ******

I hate me so much why why why why why
****