i am a pietà, my torso damp with tears
from my late lovers, until
my emotional self became the subvert
and paid their debts for them
i’d be at rope’s end
reduction to nothing

i wonder what it would be like —
to feel myself explode, off a risky cliff
and watch a ****** geyser
like ink-on-the-rocks
would i laugh if it painted a picture of you?

i wonder what it would be like —
seeing my corpse turn to
sludge
a pile of human flesh
with my mind’s fibers still at the top
blowing all{tumbleweed}way

i wonder what it would be like —
how it would feel to
fall
to have a skull thaw in the sun
to have a body collapse beneath
you
to have a ribcage implode while still breathing

i wonder what it would be like —
to know i did it all for you

even when there was nothing
in store for me