you'd think after so much time
I wouldn't be triggered
but here I am typing
feeling as though the words are spilling out of me
just like old times

I have come to terms with a lot
I have accepted a lot
but I still think you are still trying to manipulate me

I hope that I am wrong
I hope that after 5 years you have grown from that
I hope that it is just my trauma response

but why post a gym selfie in my old camp shirt?
why do you still have anything of mine?
aren't things like that triggering for you too?
don't things like that remind you of how abusive you were?

I accepted you on social media to prove to myself and to you that I was okay
That I could see you on social media without spiraling into an anxiety attack
That I could see you try to be happy with someone else without hating myself

And although all of these things are true 5 years later
I don't think the PTSD will ever leave me

So please, get rid of the shirt.