I've done nothing but follow your lead.
I never asked for anything;
"Let's move in together" you said.
I was shocked and scared
But the more I thought about it,
The more I fell in love with the idea of our family,
With an additional piece of you to mix in.
A three bedroom house, we decided
So the kids could have their space.
I never knew what to expect for us.
You never told me.
In the course of a second the walls of our house came crashing down,
All my planning and ideas turned to ashes
Along with any trust I had in you.
How am I supposed to adjust when I feel like I lost everything on the blink an eye.
You try to lead me where we're going,
But I can't believe you. I won't follow.
You have to build from the foundation.
It's almost like you're holding your hand out, reaching for a high five
And you leave your hand there for so long,
Then, when I finally reach for you, you move away.
So, I stretch.
But I'm wearing myself too thin.
I beg for basic consideration,
To be met by indifference
I beg for affection
To get rejection.
I beg for communication
To get silence.
It hurts that I've let myself fall this far,
When I promised I never would again.
So I'll go if that's what you want.
I'll retreat so far into myself you won't know where to find me.
And then maybe in my indifference, my rejection, and my silence...you'll listen.