Sorrow makes for good inspiration
The pain awakens strength
A feeling you had almost forgotten
You suddenly jolt to life
Muscles begin to expand and contract
I felt as though I were drowning

Drowning
Drowning, as if it were a sport
A sport I convinced myself to love
But then the game finally finished
I was no longer able to endure
For a while there, I dead-woman float
The waves slowly moving me closer
Closer to the shore
As I wash up on the sand, I remain still

Who can breathe life into me?
Who can save me?
But only silence is heard

Out of the water, a new flood is on the horizon
The memories
The memories of my seduction and my inevitable destruction
The pain awakens me

I frantically begin to try and expel the memories
The thoughts, feelings, the lies
I try to throw it up
I become lost in the routine
So desperately trying to erase the sorrow
Wanting nothing more than to forget

This continues,
until I finally realize:
I can breathe once more.
Months since I allowed a deep, vital draw of oxygen into my lungs
My nostrils fill with air, my lungs expand
Exhale.
I am alive.

He did not **** me
Though I felt lifeless
Felt as though I'd never feel light again

I was unable to breathe.

But I remembered myself.

I survived him.

Sometimes I still find myself choking on my tears and screams
Unable to catch my breath
The memories calling me back to the sea
drowning me once more
But they are not strong enough to keep me down

I have survived my ******.