We all have different ways on how to find happiness. Some still finding it for sure, some already found it and some had already lost it. I've met so many people in different places. Some of them made me smile, some of them made me laugh and most of them made me cry. I never knew that these pack of cigarettes would make me feel relieved even though I know it will only destroy my lungs— giving me heavy breathings at night. I lied to my parents every time they ask me where I have been. Telling them I went to library but In fact, I was in a certain place I know I could find happiness. I did things that I thought I can never do. I drink and smoke, I got tattoos, dyed my hair blue, I lied and I spent my late evenings talking nonsense with you who ain't sure of staying with me for a long time because I know that's the only thing that could help me be happy again. I wrote poetries that contains same metaphors. I scribbled words using your name and I stayed late until midnight just to finish my what so called poem but still end up tearing it into tiny pieces before I throw it into the bin and watch it burn. I never liked strawberries, I never tried to listen to any of your favorite songs, I never liked riding a bike with you every summer but I didn't know why those things makes me smile every time I remember it. I never liked those dresses you gave but I don't know why I still wear them in every occasions I go. I didn't know that you were the happiness I've been trying to find. I didn't know that you could he the source of it.

But I never thought you'd be part of those temporaries. I never thought I'd lose you the same day when I've finally found my happiness. And now here I am again, doing things that could make me happy but thinking of the possible ending makes me want to quit. Because I have realized, happiness weren't made for me.