I guess, as usual, it's shame on me
Cataracts blurred my vision but now it's easy to see
You never cared about my feelings at all
You just keep blowing smoke and standing tall
While I'm crumbling beneath the weight of the world,
Trying to deal with this crazy hand I've been hurled.
I feel like I'm holding on to a frayed rope
Clinging to any little bit of hope
That I can see in your words, but barely in your eyes
I pick through each letter, trying to detect lies.
Are the words on your lips and fingertips truly in your heart?
I overthink until I'm sick and it's tearing me apart
I don't think I believe you, I don't know if I can
But everything is backwards, and I don't have a plan.
I feel like I knew you better when we first met
But now you're like a stranger that I don't know yet...
I know I'm holding my arms out, trying to keep you at bay,
I don't know why I bother, when you're a million miles away.
I've laid myself bare, just trying to make you see
But it seems like I'm invisible and you look right through me.
Or you do see, and you choose to ignore
Waiting for something better while I hold open door.
My words of want and need fall on deaf ears,
For you won't stop talking long enough to let the smoke clear
You've been calling the shots while you have your fun,
I've been plucking flower petals, waiting you to be done.
He wants me, he wants me not.
I twist the stems, forming a knot
Tied together just like the rest of our lives,
No time to relax, forced to take things in strides
"You're stuck with me, like glue" you say
I half smile and nod while my thoughts drift away
To an undeniable truth that "glued things" touch.
I've never been good at asking, but I don't think affection is too much.
Holding hands, a hug, a kiss
Things we used to always do, but now we are remiss.
How can we possibly build when we've taken steps back?
No part of this rollercoaster has ever been on track.
It's all spiraling and spinning out of control
All of this whiplash is really taking a toll
On my spirit and on my brain,
Some days I feel like I'm going insane.
I have so much I need to say to you,
I've tried being subtle, but you don't have a clue.
Or, you aren't bothered that my mind is always buzzing
And keep neglecting me, leaving sweet nothings
Like a trail of breadcrumbs on my ears leading me nowhere
Leaving me stranded alone with nothing but a prayer
That one day you'll change your mind
And realize that I'm not easy to find
That this is real, and this is fate
I just hope you don't make your mind up too late...