as a little kid
20 is such a big number
even 10 is impressive
it seems like an unreachable age
an age for true adults
yet here i am 10 months from 20
and i’m far from being an adult

20 is supposed to be a glamorous age
nights at clubs wearing shimmering slips
cosmos in martini glasses
the sound of drunk laughter
but i haven’t even seen a friend in months

instead i’m in sweats
watching Tarantino
drinking sparkling water
and picking my nails
until they resemble small tree trunks