Apr 2021
I was angry, I needed someone to take the fall for my insecurities,
Unable to hide behind the naked truth, that it wasn’t you who made me feel this way, but I,
I needed a scapegoat for this emotional cycle that has been tormenting me for years,
“Is he cheating on me?”
“Is he attracted to her?”
All of these questions stemming from my poor decisions and bad relationships,
I had to put the blame on you in order for me not to feel the poison that has been slowly killing me,
Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw each woman,
Her eyes, her face, her nose, her lips, smiling back at me, laughing at my brokenness,
Mocking the fact that he chose her over me,
I hated myself for being too weak to leave when I had the chance,
I punished myself each day I stayed and welcomed those infidelities and betrayals,
But now I have you, an innocent bystander,
Struck by my emotional bullets of distrust, paranoia, and bitterness,
I watch through my rearview mirror of pain, as you lay there slowly bleeding out,
Calling for help, but no one will come to save you,
I drive off, adrenaline coursing through my veins,
Unable to shake the fact that I put a hit out on your heart,
Every shot fired screaming at you for what he did,
I’m scared because those bullets of bad decisions, regret, and hurt were not meant for you, but for him,
You were in the wrong place at the right time, but unfortunately time wasn’t on your side,
I’m on the run now, evading the imprisonment that is waiting for me,
Afraid to pull over and turn myself in for this horrible crime against you,
There were no witnesses to identify what I had done to you,
Only you would be able to point me out in the line up of broken women,
Women who’ve stayed one second, one minute, one hour and one day too long in bad relationships,
Sadly, you were the one put on trial and found guilty for other men’s crimes,
Sentenced to a lifetime of fixing mistakes, reassuring insecurities, and building back walls of trust,
But, it’s too late for you, you’ve been thrown into an empty cell,
With nothing but bad memories, unanswered questions, and regret from every broken heart you couldn’t repair,
And now your innocence has become my guilt
Unable to hide behind the naked truth, that it wasn’t you who made me feel this way, but I,
I needed a scapegoat for this emotional cycle that has been tormenting me for years,
“Is he cheating on me?”
“Is he attracted to her?”
All of these questions stemming from my poor decisions and bad relationships,
I had to put the blame on you in order for me not to feel the poison that has been slowly killing me,
Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw each woman,
Her eyes, her face, her nose, her lips, smiling back at me, laughing at my brokenness,
Mocking the fact that he chose her over me,
I hated myself for being too weak to leave when I had the chance,
I punished myself each day I stayed and welcomed those infidelities and betrayals,
But now I have you, an innocent bystander,
Struck by my emotional bullets of distrust, paranoia, and bitterness,
I watch through my rearview mirror of pain, as you lay there slowly bleeding out,
Calling for help, but no one will come to save you,
I drive off, adrenaline coursing through my veins,
Unable to shake the fact that I put a hit out on your heart,
Every shot fired screaming at you for what he did,
I’m scared because those bullets of bad decisions, regret, and hurt were not meant for you, but for him,
You were in the wrong place at the right time, but unfortunately time wasn’t on your side,
I’m on the run now, evading the imprisonment that is waiting for me,
Afraid to pull over and turn myself in for this horrible crime against you,
There were no witnesses to identify what I had done to you,
Only you would be able to point me out in the line up of broken women,
Women who’ve stayed one second, one minute, one hour and one day too long in bad relationships,
Sadly, you were the one put on trial and found guilty for other men’s crimes,
Sentenced to a lifetime of fixing mistakes, reassuring insecurities, and building back walls of trust,
But, it’s too late for you, you’ve been thrown into an empty cell,
With nothing but bad memories, unanswered questions, and regret from every broken heart you couldn’t repair,
And now your innocence has become my guilt
