my being changes   all the time
I doubt your love   and all the beautiful things
it has brought me    I feel myself forgetting   all the things
that make us   us   and binds   us   like grapes  in a bunch
I feel myself   falling   into holes   and fake
stories,   trying to feel myself    even though
I don’t know where   to touch  
where
do I hurt?
is the energy I’ve always felt    just sadness
that rolls from me   to you   to all the people
I’ve ever known        the food bloats my belly
but it’s always better than feeling nothing     how scared
I am to start crying out   of nowhere     scared of what
others may say about me

how much is too much    I just push you away and  want you back
it’s like a game    how far can I push you out to sea
and reel you back in  

how does it feel to be gutted?