Blue and white balloons were tied lazily to cardboard sign with a scribbled on birthday invitation. Kids are squealing playfully in the backyard, chasing each other around. The sun is giving me a headache, but the water from an earlier competition of throwing water balloons makes the wet fabric of my shirt cling to my back, countering the heat.

It smelled like freshly cut grass, a smell I much adored. It was a near calming smell, one that reminded me of the way the street had smelt after the mornings my neighbor woke up early to trim his lawn.

How I hated that water, the water stuck to my skin. It was cold when the wind brushed over it, but hot when the wind left it alone. Couldn’t I just be warm?

All the rest of the kids were playing outside, playing a game of tag, and I sat alone on the front porch. It wasn’t a pretty view, there wasn’t much to look at other then the houses across the street and blue sky behind them.

Everyone was playing happily… And I was listening to music from my “Sad Hours” playlist. Skipping through the ones that were too upbeat whilst the other children were skipping along the grass, kicking dirt up as they went.

It was my sister’s birthday, and yet I didn’t care.