Apr 2021
•Poem: Goodbye see ya latters•
My edges are frayed
Refused to be smoothed
Or flatly laid
Compliance has never been
A command I’ve ever
Slightly obeyed or taken
My stubborn will
Cannot be shaken
My hand is forced by no one
Except for self
And even that's a stretch at best
My soul and
My heart
Have not always been
Pure and clean
I give too much
I love too hard
It’s just what I am
It’s just what I do
I’m an extremist
In every and all things
That I do
In my life
I don’t give up easily
Often times
I fight way too long
Now I’m fighting for a real cos
That’s me!
I’m the cos!
I’ve even been in the past
Known to fight my own self
Both tooth and nail
Until brought to
Blood and tears
And possibly
My biggest flaw
Is that my let go
Has no stopping point
I’ll always try to save another
While I myself began to drown
I hold on to ******* tightly
And everything I’ve ever let go of
Has claw marks
Down to my own
Sometimes slipping
Sanity
And soul
I don’t know how
To pick and choose
To give just a little bit
At a time
And I don’t know how to stop Caring for others
Even if I myself end up suffering
Or how to just let go
To just walk out that door
And go
When it's time to go
I stay too long
Or I run away too soon
My give a **** distribution
Is clearly all out of wack
The que way too backed up and
I’m not sure there
Even what to do
I was on the run
But from myself
My subconscious
Too long had helped
Me hide it out
And the spectators
Look on from
Life sideways
Sidelines
And they can judge me i
If it's indeed
What they feel
They need to do
If it indeed
Pleases them
At the top of their lungs
Please by all means
******* scream it out
All those things
You think and feel
About it
If in fact it makes
Them feel better
To think so very little
Of who I am
I won’t try
To change their minds
Because I know the
Truth of me and
My almost tragedy
Trajectory in life
I was on the brink
But now I’m back
My soul was tattered and somewhat *****
And torn
But my hands here and now
Are clean
So let them judge me
If they so please
They have not crawled
Through my life’s
Mess and dirt
Or Clawed at words
Trapped in my own throat
Trying to escape my own mind Trying to escape my own life
They don't know heaven
Locked in my gaze or
The hurry up
Of slowing down
To let go
No one can say a word
On the subject of
Tearing myself down
To my very foundation
And brick by brick
Rebuilding my all
Back up
From bare bones
Newfound purpose
And soul
My bones no longer
Are they so vulnerable
And exposed
They can talk it out
On and on
That's just how life goes
Keep on judging me
If they please
They don’t know
Perfection
Reflected
Their words
Merely a projection
They have never
Touched perfection
Divinity
Just under the skin
Have never tasted
Eternity's forever
On my goodbye
I love you ‘s kiss
So let them judge me
I wish them all the best
Bid them
So long
Farewell
Goodbye
The night is young
And life is
Deep and wide
So here’s to them
As I jump
With no reservations
With both
Heart and
Both feet
Straight up
Both excited and
Terrified to
Live!
Here I go
Right into the unknown
And I can’t wait!
For way too long
I had been captain
Of my self destruction
Team leader
Of my rebel troops
Bringing chaos
To my own order
Reeking havoc
Disturbing my own peace
Digging holes inside my chest
6 feet deep at least
I was first in line
On my own bodies
Battlefield
I held the scissors and
Cut across my own
Dotted line
Leading charge
On the war
And destruction
On the sanctity
Of my own soul
Lapping up the poison
From a spoon
My own gawd ******
Hand held
Up for me to feed from
At my all time lowest high
Self pity and
Self hate
Ate at all things in me
Introspection
At its best
Pause in thought
In retrospect
Dear someone
Can you tell me something
I don’t know!?!?
In the motel of
My heart
Mind and
Soul
The damages
Have been done
And no one
But myself
Was left
To pay those fines
I’m no longer
Scarred and scared
No longer
My own victim
The worst has
Already been
Done
The wounds
Long ago
****
Done inflicted
Time has healed them
They are now
But scars
That I did finally
Tend and
Mend
I don’t need your afterthought words
In a halfassed apology
At best
Or an attempt
To soothe that
Now healed
****** mess
How did you become
The monster
In the mirror I Once Upon a time
Had wondered to myself
Volatile on a good day
Always always angry
And forever snapping and
Raging
Now they all ask me
How I turned
From monster
To this warrior
From my own victim
To my own rescue team
Savior
Standing before them now
I drew a line
In my sandbox
A new boundary
Not to be crossed
I pulled my own **** card
And called my own
**** *******
On my too long
List of excuses
And false justifications
I stopped letting my weakest pieces
Get the best of me
And beat me
To become
The majority in traits
Of what made me
ME
I stopped letting them cause destruction
And killing the rest
Of me
The best in me
So easily the sick poison
Of excuses
Could have like a cancer
Spread in me
Out if control
Eating up all the best things
I had to stop
Being my own victim
The monster
Of my own storyline
I had to become the cure
Be my own warrior
Savior of my all
Mind
Heart
Body
Soul
And life
To be accountable
For all my ****** up parts
That i had let
Run wild too long
Out of control
I had to be the one
To call myself out
The loudest
The hardest
I had to stop making
And excusing
My excuses
And instead
Start seeing
Start living
And being
Only factual truths
Accountable
And reasons
I’ve held my weight
In shame
But I healed that dark piece
In me and
No longer does it haunt me
My eyes
They sparkle
Clean and bright
So excuse yourself
Please now
From my life
If you come at me with anything less than good intentions
If you only have piles
Of excuse lines and
Negativity
And too many reasons not to try
If you have come only
To chip away
At my hard worked for
Love self
Love of life
Hard bleed for
Hard earned
Peace
Than I ask you right now
To pause
To stop
And just turn around
And silently go
And leave me be
Because true friendship
And caring, love
Don’t demand
Any proof of its existence
I shouldn’t be asked
To sacrifice my soul
Because you’re at war
With your own
So here’s to you
Here’s to us
Here’s to hello’s
So long's
Farewell’s
And goodbye’s
Maybe this isn’t the end of a friendship
And we’ll meet again
somewhere down
Along life’s line
I wish you only good things
All the best and
I pray that you may
At long last
Find some
Soul healing
Find some relief
From all that poison
That haunts and
Plagues you
Takes your sound sleep
In the night
You deserve that peace my friend
But so also do I
And that’s where I must bid you
All the best and farewell
I never saw the good
In bye’s
I’ll catch you later
On down life’s line
I really do so hope now
As we let go
To grow
Each of our own souls
It’s time now
To let go.
t.day
★
©
My edges are frayed
Refused to be smoothed
Or flatly laid
Compliance has never been
A command I’ve ever
Slightly obeyed or taken
My stubborn will
Cannot be shaken
My hand is forced by no one
Except for self
And even that's a stretch at best
My soul and
My heart
Have not always been
Pure and clean
I give too much
I love too hard
It’s just what I am
It’s just what I do
I’m an extremist
In every and all things
That I do
In my life
I don’t give up easily
Often times
I fight way too long
Now I’m fighting for a real cos
That’s me!
I’m the cos!
I’ve even been in the past
Known to fight my own self
Both tooth and nail
Until brought to
Blood and tears
And possibly
My biggest flaw
Is that my let go
Has no stopping point
I’ll always try to save another
While I myself began to drown
I hold on to ******* tightly
And everything I’ve ever let go of
Has claw marks
Down to my own
Sometimes slipping
Sanity
And soul
I don’t know how
To pick and choose
To give just a little bit
At a time
And I don’t know how to stop Caring for others
Even if I myself end up suffering
Or how to just let go
To just walk out that door
And go
When it's time to go
I stay too long
Or I run away too soon
My give a **** distribution
Is clearly all out of wack
The que way too backed up and
I’m not sure there
Even what to do
I was on the run
But from myself
My subconscious
Too long had helped
Me hide it out
And the spectators
Look on from
Life sideways
Sidelines
And they can judge me i
If it's indeed
What they feel
They need to do
If it indeed
Pleases them
At the top of their lungs
Please by all means
******* scream it out
All those things
You think and feel
About it
If in fact it makes
Them feel better
To think so very little
Of who I am
I won’t try
To change their minds
Because I know the
Truth of me and
My almost tragedy
Trajectory in life
I was on the brink
But now I’m back
My soul was tattered and somewhat *****
And torn
But my hands here and now
Are clean
So let them judge me
If they so please
They have not crawled
Through my life’s
Mess and dirt
Or Clawed at words
Trapped in my own throat
Trying to escape my own mind Trying to escape my own life
They don't know heaven
Locked in my gaze or
The hurry up
Of slowing down
To let go
No one can say a word
On the subject of
Tearing myself down
To my very foundation
And brick by brick
Rebuilding my all
Back up
From bare bones
Newfound purpose
And soul
My bones no longer
Are they so vulnerable
And exposed
They can talk it out
On and on
That's just how life goes
Keep on judging me
If they please
They don’t know
Perfection
Reflected
Their words
Merely a projection
They have never
Touched perfection
Divinity
Just under the skin
Have never tasted
Eternity's forever
On my goodbye
I love you ‘s kiss
So let them judge me
I wish them all the best
Bid them
So long
Farewell
Goodbye
The night is young
And life is
Deep and wide
So here’s to them
As I jump
With no reservations
With both
Heart and
Both feet
Straight up
Both excited and
Terrified to
Live!
Here I go
Right into the unknown
And I can’t wait!
For way too long
I had been captain
Of my self destruction
Team leader
Of my rebel troops
Bringing chaos
To my own order
Reeking havoc
Disturbing my own peace
Digging holes inside my chest
6 feet deep at least
I was first in line
On my own bodies
Battlefield
I held the scissors and
Cut across my own
Dotted line
Leading charge
On the war
And destruction
On the sanctity
Of my own soul
Lapping up the poison
From a spoon
My own gawd ******
Hand held
Up for me to feed from
At my all time lowest high
Self pity and
Self hate
Ate at all things in me
Introspection
At its best
Pause in thought
In retrospect
Dear someone
Can you tell me something
I don’t know!?!?
In the motel of
My heart
Mind and
Soul
The damages
Have been done
And no one
But myself
Was left
To pay those fines
I’m no longer
Scarred and scared
No longer
My own victim
The worst has
Already been
Done
The wounds
Long ago
****
Done inflicted
Time has healed them
They are now
But scars
That I did finally
Tend and
Mend
I don’t need your afterthought words
In a halfassed apology
At best
Or an attempt
To soothe that
Now healed
****** mess
How did you become
The monster
In the mirror I Once Upon a time
Had wondered to myself
Volatile on a good day
Always always angry
And forever snapping and
Raging
Now they all ask me
How I turned
From monster
To this warrior
From my own victim
To my own rescue team
Savior
Standing before them now
I drew a line
In my sandbox
A new boundary
Not to be crossed
I pulled my own **** card
And called my own
**** *******
On my too long
List of excuses
And false justifications
I stopped letting my weakest pieces
Get the best of me
And beat me
To become
The majority in traits
Of what made me
ME
I stopped letting them cause destruction
And killing the rest
Of me
The best in me
So easily the sick poison
Of excuses
Could have like a cancer
Spread in me
Out if control
Eating up all the best things
I had to stop
Being my own victim
The monster
Of my own storyline
I had to become the cure
Be my own warrior
Savior of my all
Mind
Heart
Body
Soul
And life
To be accountable
For all my ****** up parts
That i had let
Run wild too long
Out of control
I had to be the one
To call myself out
The loudest
The hardest
I had to stop making
And excusing
My excuses
And instead
Start seeing
Start living
And being
Only factual truths
Accountable
And reasons
I’ve held my weight
In shame
But I healed that dark piece
In me and
No longer does it haunt me
My eyes
They sparkle
Clean and bright
So excuse yourself
Please now
From my life
If you come at me with anything less than good intentions
If you only have piles
Of excuse lines and
Negativity
And too many reasons not to try
If you have come only
To chip away
At my hard worked for
Love self
Love of life
Hard bleed for
Hard earned
Peace
Than I ask you right now
To pause
To stop
And just turn around
And silently go
And leave me be
Because true friendship
And caring, love
Don’t demand
Any proof of its existence
I shouldn’t be asked
To sacrifice my soul
Because you’re at war
With your own
So here’s to you
Here’s to us
Here’s to hello’s
So long's
Farewell’s
And goodbye’s
Maybe this isn’t the end of a friendship
And we’ll meet again
somewhere down
Along life’s line
I wish you only good things
All the best and
I pray that you may
At long last
Find some
Soul healing
Find some relief
From all that poison
That haunts and
Plagues you
Takes your sound sleep
In the night
You deserve that peace my friend
But so also do I
And that’s where I must bid you
All the best and farewell
I never saw the good
In bye’s
I’ll catch you later
On down life’s line
I really do so hope now
As we let go
To grow
Each of our own souls
It’s time now
To let go.
t.day
★
©
