I thought it would be gone by now
It's been over a year
Some cuts bleed longer than others
And bandaids don’t seem to work on this one
I didn’t realize he had a knife
when he started to kiss me down my chest
I sighed at the pain in my stomach and told him
“not today”

He left me alone to sleep in his bed
As he took all the covers for himself on the floor
Ignoring me for hours
As I shiver and shake, unable to sleep
As my head spins a million miles per hour
As tears stream down my cheeks, drying my tongue
His eyes, cold like stone
And his fists clenched in fists so tight I was afraid his veins would burst

The sun wasn't far from rising
and my eyes were begging for darkness
I was moments away from caving

It wasn’t **** because I let him
Tear streaks down my face,
my body numb and rubbery
My eyes drained of life
I gave my consent
And held my breath until it was over

I trained him
Anxiety driven, sleep deprived and shivering

And now it’s trained me