Something lives deep in our bones, 
dark matter only observable in the forming and crashing of galaxies,
solar storms only threatening to debilitate at certain times
Eclipsing moon throwing an inky curving blight across moments
You are afraid that my shadows will take me violently from you
kicking and fighting into the vast nothing that waits under a fragile skin
Coldness seeping into every cell, ships without fuel, the lights going dark in the sky
And I have been making my peace with this every day
Storing up every last dimming of lights and ceremony of routine like an astronaut’s last day planetside

imprinting your skin on my mine until I don’t have my own fingerprints any more
Trying to fit all of you in my arms, but how can anything so wonderful be fit in something so flimsy?

The shadow that mocks me most is not mine
I see it in the corner of the things you 
say only when you think no one is watching
4 shots of tequila in
It is defeatism
It is I Will Never Be Good 
So Why Even Try
I Will Never Say It Right So 
Why Even Try
It is thinking of train tracks and freeways and loaded guns as escape routes
And it scares me just as much as hypoglycemic brain death and diabetes scares you.
And I wonder -- Trying to reach you but only getting static interference - will this solar storm pass?
If I embark on a rescue mission will my gravity send you spiraling out of control or bring you back home?

My shadow can wear a monitor
can have a leash

The vastness of space does not scare me because I can carry my space station home with me, spacewalk with you tethered
As long as I have you, I can feel safe from my shadow.


Holding on in desperation
I cannot save you.
You will slip through my arms like sand