I don’t know if happiness is this ability I have
to just not be sad, or, if I was truly happy,
would I just… know.
There is no set algorithm, no checklist
in a strange man’s spiral bound notebook,
and the only emotion I can feel is anger
at nothing in particular – and everyone.
If you refuse to let people past your walls
I suppose you can’t lose faith when they let you down –
repeatedly -
though I always do.
I was never anything but kind to you
even though you always leave me.

I don’t want to be loved
nor forgotten either.