One night after wining and dining
He said he thought we should try
'For a baby, it will be awesome
And your clock is ticking on by'

I looked at him very intently
Like madness had taken his mind
Why would he want a baby?
Why would he be so inclined?

'A guy on 'Montel' says he had one
he says its the best thing he's done
It's like your whole life has rebooted
And a more exciting one has begun'

Well I think I was quite bowled over
It hadn't been high on my list
I mean babies are fine in small doses
But they're not something I'd say I had missed

But here we are nine months later
Panting and pushing like hell
I blame the wine and the oysters
And he blames the guy on 'Montel'