you say it takes a whole community
to raise a musician and that what we are
is a great community. i remember that feeling.
i was innocent then.
and then i learned, it takes a whole lot
of solitude to raise an artist for
only a true artist knows what it feels like
to be completely alone. and what we are
makes me want to be
completely alone. you don’t
remember that feeling. because you surround
yourself with what you call ‘the young
emerging talent.’ i remember that feeling,
i was that emerging once, like a bud.
but the talent doesn’t stay young and
the young doesn’t stay talented.
i long to divorce myself of this city and
all of the musicians in it
because none of them make me feel
like i am part of something.
but the idea of it is nice.
if i go to a party i don’t usually partake
in the partying. i sit alone or perhaps
with one other person - watching, observing,
eavesdropping. sipping a few things,
exhaling a few things, rarely saying a few things.
you can tell a lot about someone just by the way
they behave at a party. you can learn a lot
about yourself by what you do not say
among a crowd of so-called
peers. i am not one of them.
i am one and i am alone. and it will remain this way
until i leave.
for i have nothing to prove
to them when they ask me what i’m doing
with regards to the pursuit of my creative
endeavours, for all they know, i may not be
that wide eyed seventeen year old soul
they once knew me to be. i don’t believe
everything everyone tells me anymore.
they tell me i am beautiful and i smile and say
thank you and that is all. because i know
better than to take what everyone says
for face value. i can’t even take a five cent
coin for face value because of how easily i know
it can be lost.
oh, how they are all so beautiful to watch.
and when they notice me,
oh, how i put on a fantastic show.
for it must go on, you know.