He tells me of his problems. His job, his girlfriend, his friends, his home life. And I nod and I listen. And I interject sometimes with a cliché or a suggestion, with as much compassion as I can summon. And he sighs and takes a long drag from his cigarette, and paws the ground with his Nikes, and hands me the can of beer we are sharing. And he inhales deeply as though the air itself can fumigate the scribbles crisscrossing his skull and with a wisp of smoke he starts to say something I don’t know what but instead, he pauses in mid-breath and he turns and looks at me with sad eyes But how are you he says. And I pause just long enough.
Just long enough for me to look around and sigh; just long enough for the American Spirits between our fingers to smolder and for me to weigh the pounder of flat Tecate in my other hand;
just long enough for an overripe lemon to drop or for a moon flower to blossom or for a pair of black wings to beat back the wind or for a bead of dew to skate down a blade of grass;
just long enough for the streak of a lone meteorite to span the sky;
or just long enough for our bones to vibrate in time with the rattle and sizzle and sputter of spraycans in the dark streets behind us or for the clarion anguish of a million and more homeless to be drowned out by the wail of one sole siren;
I pause and the world persists.
the earth lurches its creaking bulk sunward for one more day and the dawn establishes its circumference like a gold aurora;
the desert wind whips down the slopes of Hollywood Hills, past the observatory and Mount Olympus and down Sunset and its hot dust scours the sidewalk and and slams into our bared and chattering teeth;
And I feel Brian edge
closer to me concerned but I have no sense.
The fuming crescendo of space pulses in my head. My heart is gored through and through by a billion billion whistling neutrinos. An avalanche of fire from the hills and an inexorable nimbus of smoke advancing on this scatterplot city, apocalyptic-like.
And Brian feels it now too.
A stifled convulsion of thunder. A muffled ignition of time. This city an explosion and implosion, expansion and contraction, all thermite and naphtha in its nucleosynthesis, fission and fusion simultaneous;
this pause just long enough
for a thousand people or more to grasp for a final breath, their gaping mouths in awe of the energy of one moment; for this dying place antenna of flesh and metal, to transmit its final static into the boiling background of the universe until its spiral arms flail no more.
And I contemplate the effect of gravity on a ghost and the time it takes for the geology of the self to schism and the fault line in my soul to displace and the resultant tremors to ripple through my body and into my epicentered eyes
but I already know and so does Brian.
He wraps me in his arms until my trembles subside and I think I have paused just long enough