It's been nearly seven years since we first met Memories a jumbled blur of discontent
I've let the uglies swoop and swirl about Preserving my calm, my silence more days than not A toxic attempt for securing peace With only a mere handful of drunken outbursts; Alcohol the doorway to displeasure leaking To melancholy creeping, precursors to the eruption of my hidden turmoils Breaking free from their cage of suppression
Pretending not to notice as pebbles - even boulders Of mephitic waste began to dimple our bond A connection already held by fragile, whispy strands For convenience, I denied and ignored - with such vehemence! The growing weight of the unacknowledged stones Unfortunate truths granted undisputed leave from my cognizance Moments to days to this verge of seven years
This burden of ignorance has grown heavier than I can continue to bear And fewer of the rocks can be hidden away The truth of the sickness living amongst us; The severity of the cancerous tumor Spreading like wildfire, Turning all that I am into blackened smears of unsalvageable ash
Now after years of slowly fading away, and Parts of who I was obliterated beyond repair I stand in shock, and bundled in shame Over how I've allowed you to treat me The complete control my negligence (allowed?) You to take And while I blame you for the bullets you used To shoot down my self worth and vibrancy I blame myself for the self loathing, Already quite enough in the very beginning To hand you every key you needed to Unlock and dismantle me
I'm too tired to mine a shard of empathy from the darkened cave protecting my heart And the time to repair the fractures has passed Your words and accusations, throwing the blame on me, even as you beg me to stay I'm sorry but this time I cannot stay I have to salvage the remains of me before I'm entirely dust And admit to everyone, but myself most of all, That some things were just never meant to be saved.