I came to the parlor alone
Upon walking in, I saw Tom Baggel with a blonde date in the leather shoe store
Avoiding eye contact, I dashed past the phone kiosk and the closetway into the sunroom
Where I sat on a wooden stool and stared at the garden through the misty window

Remembering the first night I ever came to this godforsaken place
It was ages ago
Alaina and I attended a party in this very garden
We left our bottle of watered-down whipped-cream-flavored Smirnoff
In a very tall Cypress tree
And spent a drunken hour trying to shake it down
Alaina, always a diplomat, was so upset about the loss of our dear lord and savior ***** bottle
That she kicked over the angel statue at the base of the tree
And that poor angel lived the rest of its days will only one wing

The sunroom is such a peaceful place to collect your thoughts alone
It is not frequented by clientele and it has moldy mattresses scattered around on the floor
Sometimes there’s a drunken sailor sleeping there
But you don’t have to worry about him talking to you
He won’t ask you questions about the weather or the neighbor’s new dog
At most he will ask you to fill up his glass with the fountain of red wine on the windowsill
And if you say no he will go back to sleep

The glittering laughter of party girls poured in like an avalanche through the closetway
There was no reason for me to turn my head
I already knew who they were
They were exactly who I wanted them to be
But that didn’t change the fact that I wished they were anywhere but here
They gathered me up in their rose petal arms
And sang me some terrible song about the bright pink light inside of me
Until I had to wriggle out of their arms like some lovesick worm
Until I needed fresh air

Out in the misty garden I shared a damp cigarette with Tom
I wanted to be alone again but I was glad he was there
He didn’t have to ask me why I came to the parlor alone
And I didn’t have to ask him about his blonde date in the leather shoe store
I already knew exactly who she was
But that didn’t change the fact
That he wasn’t in the mood
For vitamins and lemon tea
For a good night sleep
For a morning walk
People don’t come to the parlor for that sort of thing