I used to think that the winter was so long
There was a point in my life where I would dread it
Power outages, snow shovels, the shortest darkest days, frozen wet hair
I’d dream of daylight savings, and bare feet planted on the ground
I’d hold my breath from the first snow fall until the first evening cricket
Chirping at dusk. Cheering. Happy to have returned to whichever greenish brown field
I’d exhale finally, the cold no longer able to consume me
My yearly ritual. Cycles.
But today I woke up and it is March 2nd
I flip my calendar to it’s new appropriate page and I don’t even know how I got here
I’m usually thrilled to be through February. The longest shortest month
I blink and it is gone
Somehow, the days slipped by
I didn’t feel the need to count them on my fingers
Didn’t feel the need to anticipate the spring
Didn’t feel the need to anticipate anything

I blink and it is Sunday morning, and there is a glass of water on the counter
I blink and we are 5 topics deep in conversation
I blink and the cubes of ice in my water have disappeared
I blink and we are 10 topics deep in conversation. Maybe 11. Maybe 12
I lost count
I blink and his coffee has gone cold, and I think it may have been intentional
Actually, no. I know it was intentional
I know how he likes his coffee
I hate myself for it

I blink and the end of the day is approaching
I forgot to eat lunch again, I forgot to drink enough water
It’s sitting on the counter, now room temperature
I blink and it is closing time. My other coworker left twenty minutes ago
I try not to convince myself the dynamic has changed
Try to hide my flushed cheeks
Cant seem to stop talking long enough to get anything done. I’m going to be late for my next shift at my other job
I don’t even care
I hate myself for it

I blink and it’s time to leave. I watch him set the security system, I watch him lock the door
I have old coffee in a take away cup held in my hands
I feel like I still have so much left to say, I feel like I’m not done talking to him
******* air signs. I don’t even know who to blame. We’re both Gemini’s
I go against my nature and I bite my tongue
I hate myself for it

I blink and it’s Tuesday. I’m still trying to figure out what literally anything means
It feels like it means something, but my feelings always seem to fail me
I blink and it’s March 2nd.
I’ve been too busy dissecting Sunday’s that I forgot to anticipate spring.
I’m trying not to hate myself for it