I beat that ******* doctor to the ground today. I should have killed him. I wouldn’t even mind the blood on my hands. No, not one bit.
But Shiloh would be upset with me. I hated it when Shiloh was upset. When dad came home, Shiloh looked like he was about to cry. He was trembling. I hid him in the closet so he wouldn’t be beaten with me.
And then I’d smile at him to try and make the fear go away. But then one day, he smiled to me instead. He held my face in his palm and tilted his head. He took a deep breath…
…and he smiled.
“Just breathe.” He told me. “It’ll be okay.”
I remembered that when I was beating the doctor. I remembered Shiloh’s smile.
And I remember his tears, and shaking hands, and dark circles under his eyes.
Why. Why do I have to use ‘-ed’ in every sentence I say that has the word Shiloh in it?
Why do I have to use past tense now? I want to go back to using present tense. I want Shiloh back. He can’t be gone. There is no way he’s gone. Even this cruel God I keep hearing about wouldn’t do that!!
…right?
…An eye for an eye, and the world goes blind. I’m no better. I’m not a hero.
I’m just me.