I’m an all or nothing person; I always have been, I always will be.
If I’m not challenged one way or another, I create my own.
I’ll self-sabotage even if I know better -not necessarily intentionally,
but despite having learned the lesson before.
If I’m not feeling challenged, I will put myself in precarious situations -drama, debt, depression.

It’s never for attention, and always for feeling something besides numb.
Even negative emotions serve a purpose; the feeling of struggling is a sense of survival and shows you’re still alive.
Numbness is nothing; you might as well be dead.