I was lulled into this false sense of hope.
What I received was not what I wanted.
I had prayed that if I had closed my eyes,
and opened them, then my world would be set right.
But all that has changed is my innocence.

I have gone from child to teen,
from teen to adult, from adult to monster,
and from monster, to a whisper.
And with this constant ringing in my head
I can no longer hear my own heart beat.

I want to go back for a moment.
I want to go back when, my life made sense.
Where I had you, where my family was alive,
and I didn't second guess, the nature of who I was.

I don't want to go back, because I hope for
things to turn out differently.
I want to go back, and be in those moments.
There were moments, seconds if you will,
that I didn't truly live in.
My regrets are too many, and I live in them.

I want to go back to say my goodbyes, to love
those that I took for granted and I want to let
them know, that I miss the world they created
for me, while  they were here.