Take a bite and tell me how it tastes
Would you describe it as a fever dream
Or brag about the experience on Instagram to all of your mates?
Your face immediately turns at the suggestion a more forceful shade of red
Saying that, it always did in a packed room full of testosterone and dread
Maybe I’m sick for thinking it
But I never have regrets over anything I’ve said
Just fateful memories in the past I wish I could correct
You look at me like I’m not sick, just a little crazy
But I get the feeling you’re cut out of the same tattered cloth
So if you’re the radiant flame does that make me the lumpen moth?
Because I feel like I’m constantly flying straight into the heat of battle
All while my overheating heart threatens to beat out of my chest
In a frantic state of panic I ask the barman for a ‘Metropolis’
And try my best to act nonchalant during an awkward passing with a long lost confidant
It’s obviously a false front to suggest to you that I’m fine
As you’ve probably already figured out
Looking on with little subtlety while concurrently ordering a ‘Mind Eraser’
How ironic
A drink perfectly named to headline a night of impending shame
As I struggle to coherently operate in the thickness of an unshiftable smog that engulfs me
It’s proving to be nothing short of problematic
But all you can say is “you’ll be fine, babe”
Without any significant evidence you’re statement is purely axiomatic
So all I can bring myself to do in response is shrug my hunched shoulders
And look down at my feet before making my way outside
Thinking nothing can hurt me if I avoid eye contact the same way I avoid the truth
Then you threaten to bring me back around
With your soft fingers, whilst holding an unlit cigarette
Treading a fine line along the back of my gelid hands
So cold I look up and notice you flinch before you take the plunge
By securing my trembling hands in a vehement clinch
With sickening guilt I notice the desperation forming in your sorry looking eyes
Before you say to me, no shout, over boisterous shrieking in the smoking area
“Come on darling let’s get out of here
I know a Premier Inn around the corner”
it’s hardly the Ritz but your proposed comfort might curtail the rate in which I’m falling to bits
And an unlikely miracle could ensue
As I achieve a momentary state of happiness, whatever that is
Before tomorrow inevitably comes forcefully in with all its misplaced swagger
Deleting all the positive work of tonight’s endeavours
By knocking a potentially new found sense of hope out of me
Leaving me feeling so very unclever
As yet again I’ll be reduced to trying to find my way out of this monotonous cycle
With only you and my unbearable ‘black dog’ as company
Deep down you must know
No matter how many times we have **** with each other out of pity
There’s nothing about this relationship that’s sustainable
All the same I want to thank you for trying and at least acknowledging me
Nothing will ever change but you’re not to blame
There’s just no salvation to be found in this city