i learned about loneliness last night, belatedly, because no one ever bothered to explain it to me- it was something best kept for the time it existed in the blank space where a hand had once been a soft shaky touch now absent
the sorrow comes in sultry waves with the indigo tide of me missing your breath on the hollow in my sleepy neck, a whisper backandforth inandout and then a hitch, a twitch and the slow descent from sea-froth into dreamland
we drifted, content, into the scared scarlet hills where nightmares roam where i made my home, knowing that in sleep your whispers still coated my pillowcase and i was not alone
we sank, satiated, into the wasteland in our wasted heads knowing that despite the terror, we could share your bed knowing that when i woke, gasped, drenched in sweat you would brush the hair from my forehead i'd remember my respite and we would settle down once again
and as i lie, disconsolate my ribcage heaving, desolate, i pull your jacket to my face, breathe in your scent, your comfort rise from the depths and thank whatever guides our fate that i only feel this pain in the present
that's what he always smelled like- cigarettes, *****, and axe.