Sometimes, I like to not take my meds.
It's a sort of punishment,
Ritualistic self sacrificing-
Because I’m too ashamed to **** myself.

Sometimes I like to climb on my roof,
Stand at the very edge and just,
Think about falling off,
Not jumping off- falling.
Like rolling the dice-
On whether to play another round of Russian roulette.

Sometimes I stay up all night just to feel like ****,
Because it’s better than facing the anxiety of sleeping.
And an easier deliriant than Benadryl-
Good thing the only withdrawal symptoms are fatigue.

Sometimes,
I give life a chance.
Every single time I regret it