I don’t know how to feel
It seems as if nothing has true meaning
Nothing interests me anymore
Nothing speaks to me like it used to
I try to distract myself from my emotions
Staring at my phone endlessly until dark
Waiting for someone to love me again
To care for me the way you used to
Maybe hookup with a stranger
Or my old crush
Maybe drink to the point where my surroundings feel like void
To the point where I feel invincible
I can conquer the world
Get the life I have always wanted
But where does the spiral of my pain end
If the the cycle even breaks
Where does my numbness release actual emotion instead of superficial feelings
Do I keep waiting?
For my outbreak
My happiness sparking up, allowing me to live rather than survive
When does this end
When does my soul breaks free from the emptiness surrounding it
Trapped
Poising it with despair and constant worry
Killing it slowly
But painfully
It’s a slow death
A failed suicide