Jan 2021
Have you ever wondered why things get so dark, every thought diminished and feeling left else were.
Where feelings we think we have are just thoughts and the feelings we really have, well they're just sad and keep us there.
What do you do when you finally feel and can finally show to one person how much they are meaning to you?
What do you do when they say they are over you and if kills every sense of who you are, you feel it to the core, but what? What do you do?
Do I stand and fight for someone that continues to want to walk away from me,
Or do I push on and fight those demons and force my way to set myself free.
Do you ever wonder much one person hates themselves to the point the outside looks like the inside, a cut up mess for all to see.
I'm ashamed of what I did and who I was but that person has gone, emotion replaced normal logical thought, how I can message or talk.
But all I seem to get are blunt short answers that aren't interested in and you just walk.
I show shame and fear every day for everyone to see, except when you are with me I feel that strength.
We both know we have it in us we both know we know, we are meant to go the distance no matter the length.
You know how to hurt me and I know you but I know more how to make you happy and wish I could show it.
But instead every voice was right it told me I was pathetic and now I'm lost for even wit.
I have to hug pillows every night to trick myself that you are with me not wake up and see you brushing your hair.
I talk and you talk except the you wasn't there, I walk into the living room you were sitting in that chair right there.
My darkness is spirals and it doesn't go up towards any light, no one sees me smile and no one sees my distant stare, no one do they.
No one sees that when you message I smile forms sec and knowing I was a thought for a second and then it just lay.
I die every moment you would rather any other them then me, I can offer you nothing in the way of new, only my feelings that flood on through.
I am here and im under water but sadly I'm not breathing fine, no one can save me there was only you.
So when I say my darkness I mean no one else sees maybe not even you, no one feels this sick or pain that I will tear up just the thought, just knowing there is no longer a me but there is always a you.
Where feelings we think we have are just thoughts and the feelings we really have, well they're just sad and keep us there.
What do you do when you finally feel and can finally show to one person how much they are meaning to you?
What do you do when they say they are over you and if kills every sense of who you are, you feel it to the core, but what? What do you do?
Do I stand and fight for someone that continues to want to walk away from me,
Or do I push on and fight those demons and force my way to set myself free.
Do you ever wonder much one person hates themselves to the point the outside looks like the inside, a cut up mess for all to see.
I'm ashamed of what I did and who I was but that person has gone, emotion replaced normal logical thought, how I can message or talk.
But all I seem to get are blunt short answers that aren't interested in and you just walk.
I show shame and fear every day for everyone to see, except when you are with me I feel that strength.
We both know we have it in us we both know we know, we are meant to go the distance no matter the length.
You know how to hurt me and I know you but I know more how to make you happy and wish I could show it.
But instead every voice was right it told me I was pathetic and now I'm lost for even wit.
I have to hug pillows every night to trick myself that you are with me not wake up and see you brushing your hair.
I talk and you talk except the you wasn't there, I walk into the living room you were sitting in that chair right there.
My darkness is spirals and it doesn't go up towards any light, no one sees me smile and no one sees my distant stare, no one do they.
No one sees that when you message I smile forms sec and knowing I was a thought for a second and then it just lay.
I die every moment you would rather any other them then me, I can offer you nothing in the way of new, only my feelings that flood on through.
I am here and im under water but sadly I'm not breathing fine, no one can save me there was only you.
So when I say my darkness I mean no one else sees maybe not even you, no one feels this sick or pain that I will tear up just the thought, just knowing there is no longer a me but there is always a you.
