I look for any excuse to get in the car nowadays.

the bed I once found comforting feels lonely and cold
and I have to remind myself I've always been the only person
who sleeps on it
it's like I miss someone who never existed,
a slim shadow from another dimension of something that once
brought me warmth

I fall out of my bed
a puddle of last night's tears
slipping into the shower counting on the same broken promise
that I'll feel better when I get ready
because how can you hate yourself when you look beautiful?

trying hard to find an outfit feels hypocritical
no one's gonna see me
no one's gonna care
I'm just putting on something
because I want to feel like I'm the main character of my own show for once in my life
I want to feel that this day is mine to conquer

so I climb into my car
the only safe space I have left
untainted by the tears that have been shed over text messages
and fights between my sister and me
it's like rolling down the windows clears the air inside and
in screaming lyrics to the same three songs
I finally breathe