i'm used to it,
the slow descent.

first you notice how his smile lights up the room,
how his face creases and eyebrows lift with confusion,
how his hands are always in some sort of movement,
conducting the energy around him.
finally, you begin to think
about a life in his arms.

but this isn’t that,
i’m falling, hard and fast, and it terrifies me.
this wasn’t supposed to happen, not this soon.
i was supposed to grow and learn to love myself before anyone else.
but now, he’s here,
and he’s all i can think about.

he blinds me with late night calls and video games,
ropes me into his ring of ******,
grabs my hand, and tells me that i’m the only one.
he oozes reassurance, but i can’t help and doubt it all.

850 miles away, and a part of me knows it will never work out.
as fast as he came, he will go.
but i will never leave, for i am a weak coward,
i will play his games as the noose tightens around my neck,
and he leaves me to rot in a false sense of confidence.