Everyday I wake up to you
Makes me smile to see your face
A peaceful expression that etches across your features
So content in dreaming
And when you wake, your green eyes shine as they stare into mine
You smile and say all the right things
You push past all boundaries just to make me happy
And when you wake I try to reply to all your wonderful sayings
Try to express the same amount as you
But no matter how much energy I waste
It will never accumulate
Because your connection is deeper than mine
It always will be
And I can pretend
I can pretend to love you with all that I am
I can try to say all the right things
But I would give anything to go back in time
Change when I let you in and why I let you stay so long
I made you believe that you belonged
Sometimes lying here with you by my side
Lying awake, waiting for the day to take me away
I think of all the times when you made me smile
How effortless it was
Now every morning, I force one
Hoping that it will be enough
That you will never see past my facade
I pray for change, that I can tell you everything
That for once, a moment can be real
And there are few that shine through
That pushes past my memory gap
Believing that maybe this could work
Yet knowing on the inside I could never account for what you do
So I close my eyes and dream of the night
When you were mine
That very first time
When all was real and true
I didn't have to think anything through
Because it wasn't for a show, it wasn't for pretend
It meant something then
So every night when we gather in the dim light
And I let you put your arm around me
Hold me in the dark veil of the outside
All I think is— I want this to be true
I want it to be real; I want to feel something inside me come alive
But regret and guilt eats away all that remains
Yet you stay, I stay
Because I don’t know how to tell you in so many words
That you aren't enough
I could have prevented all that has occurred
With a few simple words
I never learnt to say a million things
Not in that way
So looking at you now and knowing in a few minutes
You’ll be awake, ready to start the day
I think this is a better way
Of telling you everything
Because I’m hoping you heard
All that I had to say
While you were sleeping
So tomorrow I think I might be leaving
I think that might be the day I start living